Reflections from Pastor John Cao is a series of poetry and writings from the recently released Chinese Christian prisoner of conscience exclusively published by ChinaAid. The piece below was written on March 8, 2024 and has been minimally edited for clarity.
A brother once told me, “The first thing you should do after being released from prison is to get a physical examination.” With everyone’s care and encouragement, a few days ago, I went to Hunan Xiangya Hospital, one of the best hospitals in Hunan Province, for a check-up. As I walked to the entrance, I saw an elderly woman, who looks like to be from a rural area, selling masks. I pulled out one from the stack of masks in her hand and gave her two coins worth fifty cents each. She didn’t take my money but pointed to a badge hanging from her chest, which is like the kind of badge worn by the representatives of the National People’s Congress. Upon a closer look, I realized it was a badge with a QR code. She asked me to scan the code to pay her one yuan. I explained that I didn’t have a phone and didn’t know how to scan QR code. She said, “Just keep your money. With the two coins you gave me, I can’t even buy a meat bun. Forget about it, just take the mask as a gift from me.”
The society is developing so fast. In the past, I used to give one or two yuan to scavengers in rural areas. But today, it turned out to be an elderly woman from rural area showing mercy on me.
At the hospital, the first step was registration. I said I wanted to get a physical examination. The staff member asked for my ID card, to which I replied that I didn’t have one. She said, “Without an ID card, you can’t register.” I asked why I needed an ID card for a physical examination. Isn’t it just like buying vegetables? I give you money, and you give me your vegetables. It’s a straightforward transaction. She said, “This isn’t a vegetable market. If you want a physical examination, you need an ID card. Without an ID card, how do I know it’s really you? What if you’re using someone else’s identity for the examination? Without an ID card, you won’t have medical insurance. If you fall ill here, who will pay for your treatment?” I realized the issue was more serious than I thought. Not having an ID card involves a series of ethical, criminal, and financial problems, such as default.
I could only walk out of the hospital with disappointment. The second piece of advice everyone gave me was that after seven years of being disconnected from society, I needed to slowly adapt to life after returning. This advice really hit home for me. I must take it slow.
The elderly woman from rural area took pity on me and refused to take my money. While the hospital, which are supposed to cure and save lives, showed no sympathy towards me because I lacked the ID card, leaving me out in the cold. On the battlefield, doctors even treat injured enemies, yet now that I’m back in this homeland where I was born and raised, I’m unable to see a doctor when I’m sick.
Furthermore, I thought, if one day I die, the funeral home might also reject me and refuse to cremate my body because I wouldn’t have a death certificate issued by a hospital. Without a hospital’s confirmation of my death, how would anyone know how I died? Therefore, the funeral home wouldn’t accept my body.
In China, with, each individual of its 1.4 billion population will have a cremation or burial after death, regardless of whether it’s a simple or elaborate ceremony. Even beggars will have a resting place after death even if just a humble burial. But as a citizen, I have no final resting place after death. I would like to ask, who is more unfortunate than me in this great country?
Not having an ID card makes life difficult in more ways than just not having a place to be buried after death. Whether I’m buried or my body is eaten by insects after death, it doesn’t really matter to me anymore. The main issue with not having an ID card is the inconvenience it causes in daily life; it’s like being unable to take a single step. While elderly people can ride public buses for free, they still need to show their ID cards. In Shenzhen, senior citizens can ride the subway for free. I can’t take trains or airplanes. Yesterday, when I took my two sons to Yueyang Tower, the admission fee was ￥70 yuan per person, with senior citizens eligible for a half-price discount. But since I didn’t have an ID card, I had to buy full-price tickets.
Losing some money is a minor issue compared to losing my citizenship rights without cause, which is what bothers me the most. When I was imprisoned in Kunming, Yunnan Province, the prison organized all the inmates to vote in the elections for the representatives of Panlong District. However, I was excluded because I didn’t have an ID card. From childhood to adulthood, nobody ever organized me to vote. I finally had the opportunity in prison, but it slipped away from me. It’s a pity, indeed.
Without an ID card, I can’t buy a phone, as all phone numbers must be purchased under real-name registration nowadays. Without a phone, I can’t scan QR codes, and nowadays, even dining out requires scanning QR codes for menus. Of course, there are benefits to not having an ID card; sometimes it saves me money. When friends come to visit me, I should treat them as a host. However, every time I go out to eat with friends, I simply say, “I don’t have a phone, so I can’t pay.” It’s a legitimate excuse to enjoy a free meal.
Although my body may not have a resting place after death, I am still the happiest person in China. The Bible tells us, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far. (Philippians 1:21-23)” The world may deem me unworthy, implying that I don’t deserve to live in this fallen, worldly realm. So where do I belong? I belong in heaven. If the world rejects me, heaven accepts me. May the kingdom of heaven come! The kingdom of heaven resides within me; the Lord Jesus supports me every day, and I follow Him faithfully. Every day is incredibly blessed.