Reflections from Pastor John Cao is a series of poetry and writings from the recently released Chinese Christian prisoner of conscience exclusively published by ChinaAid. The pieces below were written on April 17, 2024 and has been minimally edited for clarity. To read more of Pastor John Cao’s poetry, one can purchase the collection written while he was imprisoned, Living Lyrics: Poems from Prison.
Catching UP
Tears overflow as we shake hands, my heart filled with shame,
For over two thousand days, I paced in silence, not advancing in His name [1].
Slow down your pace, pull me along for a while [2],
I pledge to catch up with zeal, though I’ve lost my style.
Notes:
- “over two thousand days” refers to the time spent in prison, which is seven years or 2,555 days. “silence” implies not doing anything.
- From Qu Yuan’s “Li Sao”: “I command the sun and moon to halt their progress.”
After being released, as I shake hands with my brothers and sisters, my tears overflow, and my heart is filled with shame. For over two thousand days, I paced in place, not speaking out for the Lord. I hope everyone can slow down a bit, wait for me, and pull me along. I pledge to diligently catch up with all of you.
Longing to Serve
Eagerly yearning to share the heavenly rest,
You’ll know my shadow hasn’t moved in vain.
Refine me, sharpen my tools, and one day I’ll shoot,
The whole land will hear the whistling arrow’s flight.
I eagerly long to share with everyone the messages I have received from heaven over these years. You will know that I haven’t wasted my time. The prison has refined me, allowing me to gain new grace. When the Lord uses me one day, the gospel I proclaim will be heard everywhere.
New Blood
Years of rest have purified my veins,
Inside and out, my thoughts are clear and plain.
Awaiting Heaven’s timing for my dispatch,
Healthy and strong, a soldier back to the battlefield.
I have been resting in grace for years, my blood has been renewed, and my body is transparent both inside and out. My thoughts are also clear. I am waiting for God’s timing and will eventually be dispatched. At that time, my body will be strong, and I will return to the battlefield as a soldier once again.
Temporary
Temporarily stalled, awaiting the leap forward,
Temporarily confined, dreaming of the vast sky.
Temporarily lonely, embracing the multitude,
Temporarily dry, obtaining a gushing spring.
Even More
Amidst adversity, faith grows even stronger,
Having lost everything, looking to the Source even more.
Exhausted and weary, enduring even further,
Surrounded by friends and family, love becomes even fuller.
Aging with Vigor
The elderly, the weak, the lonely, and the disabled all have support[1],
The rock and sweet spring connect today and yesterday[2].
Beneath the feet, the blessed path gradually extends,
In the heart, unconsciously singing a hymn of praise.
The mountains and rivers are gorgeously designed[3],
The splendid times are fruitful, inheriting and starting the kingdom[4].
Receiving grace, eager to repay, not disdaining old age,
The glow of the sunset adds color, do not lament the passing of time[5].
Notes:
- Psalm 68:5-6: A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
- Rock: God as the foundation of life. Sweet spring: God’s provision. God’s grace spans ancient and modern times.
- The beautiful mountains and rivers are all designed by God.
- God’s kingdom.
- Wasting time.
Preparing the Wine
Always thought prison was deeply lonely,
Yet a wonderful place for cultivation, away from the noisy dust of sin.
The heart concerned with the souls of nations,
A thousand years of suffering refining loyalty and faithfulness.
Applause secretly follows the journey’s progress,
Good wine quietly prepared, unexpectedly fragrant.
Graduation assignment to take on the ravine alone[1],
Graying temples exchanged for hungry and thirsty people.
Notes:
- “Graduation assignment”: prison is a school, graduation refers to being released after serving the sentence.
I used to think that being in prison was extremely lonely, but in fact, it is a good place for cultivation, far away from the noisy dust of the secular world. Here, I care about the spiritual dynamics of countries around the world. A thousand years of suffering temper a person’s loyalty and faithfulness. As the journey progresses, applause secretly increases, and good wine is also prepared, with an alluring fragrance. After I finish my sentence, I choose to go to the deep mountains and ravines, using my remaining years to help those in need.
Comfort
Strolling unexpectedly entangled in twisted branches,
The moment of falling, many hands reach out to support.
Some caress the wound, asking if it hurts,
Others urgently call for an ambulance and wrap the bandages.
Generous gifts sent from time to time to cover hospital expenses,
Always leaving comforting words, waiting for me to soar together.
Wiping away tears, quietly recuperating, finally cured,
Repaying the abundant life from the baskets.
I was strolling, not expecting to be caught in the net of the law. The moment I fell, many hands reached out to support me. Some asked if the fall hurt, some called for an ambulance, and they bandaged my wounds. From time to time, they generously sent gifts to cover my hospital expenses and left comforting words, waiting for me to soar together. I wiped away my tears and quietly recuperated here, and I will eventually be healed. I want to pour out my life to repay God and the brothers and sisters for their great help to me.
